I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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