and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
