don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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