Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
