my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
