So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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