He had one of those small greek statue penises
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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