the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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