JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
