If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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