It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think my fart just growled at me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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