an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police