So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
