the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed