that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.