Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
