East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.