I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.