We won't sleep together?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
