if i can run in heels then i can drive
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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