we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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