Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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