ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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