Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
