Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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