shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
