My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
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So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He shit in the fireplace
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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