I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
