i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Welp...herpes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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