what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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