I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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