Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
