Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize