you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
