Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize