Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
