Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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