i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
