She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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