WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
foreskin is a definite game changer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
