It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
