Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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