Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
