I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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