i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.