worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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