you win again, gameday.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.