Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.