GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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