hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?