Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit