Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
