He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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