Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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