I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
