I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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