puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
