i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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