My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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