Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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