Farmville is her only friend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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