I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
