Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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