just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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