my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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