dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
