She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
