We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
