I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
