i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
