I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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