you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
