More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
