I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
