Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
