The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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