3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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