dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
