it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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