i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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