so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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