Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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